Laugh Trip: Mananang biday

Reposted from Facebook.

Dahil sa tindi ng kahirapan sa probinsya, namasukan si Inday bilang katulong sa Maynila.

Habang ini-interview ng amo.....

Amo: Kailangan namin ng katulong para mag-linis ng bahay, Magluto, maglaba, mamalantsa, mamalengke, at magbantay sa mga bata. Kaya mo ba ang lahat ng ito?

Inday: I believe that my acquired skills, training and expertise in management with the use of standard tools, and my discipline and experience will contribute significantly to the value of the work that you want done. My creativity, productivity and work-efficiency and the high quality of outcome I can offer will boost the work progress.

Amo: [Nagdugo ang ilong.]

~

Makaraan ang dalawang araw, umuwi ang amo, nakitang may bukol si Junior.

Amo: Inday, bakit may bukol si Junior?

Inday: Compromising safety with useless aesthetics, the not-so-well engineered architectural
design of our kitchen lavatory affected the boy's cranium with a slight boil at the left temple near the auditory organ.

Amo: [Nagdugo ulit ang ilong.]

~

Kinagabihan, habang naghahapunan....

Amo: Inday, bakit naman maalat ang ulam natin?

Inday: The consistency was fine. But you see, it seems that the increased amount of sodium chloride affected the taste drastically and those actions are irreversible. I do apologize.

Amo: [Nagdugo na naman ang ilong.]

Donya: Bakit tuwing pag-uwi ko, nararatnan kitang nanunuod ng TV?!

Inday: Because I don't want you to see me doing absolutely nothing.

Donya: [Hinimatay.]

~

Kinabukasan, sinamahan ni Inday si Junior sa Principal's office dahil hindi makapunta ang amo at donya.

Principal: Sinuntok ni Junior ang kanyang kaklase.

Inday: It's absurd! It was never a fact that he will inflict an injury to anyone. I can only imagine how you handle schizophrenic kids in this educational institution. Your policies need revision because they suck!

Principal: [Nagbitiw sa tungkulin.]

~

Pagdating sa bahay, nandun na ang amo, galit na galit.

Amo: Inday, bakit nagkalat ang basura sa likod ng bahay?!

Inday: A change in the weather patterns might have occurred, wrecking havoc to the surroundings. The way the debris is scattered indicates that the gust of wind was going northeast, causing damage to the path it was heading for.

Amo: [Nagdugo na naman ang ilong.]

Habang nagluluto si Inday ng hapunan, malikot si Junior.

Inday: Stop your rambunctious behavior! It is bound to result in property damages and if that happens, there will be the corresponding corporal punishment to be inflicted upon you!

Junior: [Takbo sa CR, para hugasan ang nagdudugong ilong.]

~

Pagkatapos magluto, nanood na ng TV si Inday. Nasa balita na umalis si Angel Locsin sa GMA 7.

Junior: Bakit kaya siya umalis?

Inday: Sometimes, people choose to leave not because of selfish reasons but because they just know instinctively that things will get worse if they stay. Leaving can be very tough, and it's even harder when people can't understand you for doing so.

Junior: [Binalunguyngoy na naman. Takbo ulit sa CR.]

~

Nung gabing yon, may nag-text kay inday--si Dodong, ang driver ng kapitbahay, gustong makipagtext-mate..

Biday: To forestall further hopes of acquaintance, my unequivocal reply to your request - Irrevocable denial.

Di naglaon, dahil sa tiyaga ni Dodong, naging girlfriend niya rin si inday.

~

Pero di tumagal ang kanilang relasyon, at nakipag-break si inday kay Dodong.

Inday: The statute restricts me to love you but you made the provocations. The way you smile is the proximate cause why I love you. We have some rules to think of, however. We have no vested rights to love each other because the upper household dismissed my petition!

Dodong: Perhaps you are mistaken.... I was merely attempting to expand my network of interests by involving you in my daily recreation. Heretofore, you can expect an end to any verbal articulation from myself!

May dumaan na mamang basurero, at narinig ang usapan nina Inday at Dodong.

Basurero (kay inday): Be careful in letting go of the things you think are just nothing because someday you will realize that the one you gave away was the very thing you had been wishing for to stay..

Narinig ng amo ni inday ang lahat-lahat.

Amo: Mula ngayon, walang magsasalita ng inggles, sinumang magpadugo ng ilong ko at ng anak ko, palalayasin ko sa pamamahay na ito!

Inday: Ang namutawi sa inyong bibig ay mataman kong ilalagak as kasuluk-sulukan ng aking balintataw, sa kaibuturan ng aking puso, at palagi kong gugunam- gunamin. Sakbibi ng madlang lumbay kung mapapalis sa gunita yaring inyong tinuran..

Amo: Leche! Hindi kami sinauna! Yung makabagong wika at salita ang gusto kong gagamitin dito sa bahay ko!!

Inday: Tarush! Pachenes pa 'tong chorva eklavubo chuva tabayishki kun suplandish!

~end~